Sentimental

I used to be a sentimental person

I could be studying or solving a math problem, and when i hear a melody i like, i stopped and listen with my whole heart.Beautiful melodies made me cry. They bring out the emotions buried deep inside. It could be so overwhelming that for a moment, nothing else matters...

When the rain pours, i sat by the window watching the raindrops racing each other on the windowstill... they used to fascinate me as a child... i cheered the raindrops on, watching them merge with each other and became a bigger self. I watched the trees swaying left to right in a storm.... and stray dogs seeking shelter under vehicles

I kept a few diaries during my teens... jotted down every emotion i experienced day to day... the angry strikes when i quarreled with my mum almost tear the page apart... the teardrops that made everything on the page blurred...the smiles and palpitations from an innocent teenage crush... reading back my diaries, i was suddenly saddened by the fact that i am no longer such an expressive person anymore...

When i was a kid, my parents' arguements scared me (now i know that arguements are perfectly normal for a couple)...i hid in my room and cried myself to sleep... then write letters to both my parents telling them my lil opinions... i would stuffed the letters into their wallets, put on the dressing table and hope that they will find it, read it and never talk to me about it...

Time flies, people grow out of old habits...

I, i hardened

Maybe when you grow up, and life is not as simple as how you imagined it to be, being sentimental is the last thing you wanna do...

When you are tired from work, and mad at your boss

When you don't have close friends anymore, and being far from home

When you barely have time for yourself, and simple things in life does not seemed to please you anymore

When you know you chosed a difficult path in life...

You hid your emotions, put on a mask like everyone else

You know that you can't waste your time thinking about the past

You need to clock the hours at work, and you need to be professional

That's what i did...

and i miss myself

So today i sat in front of my window, and i watched the rain fall

I listened to some good old songs, and i gave myself time to think, to reminiscence

I let the teardrops fall, and acknowledge the complicated feelings inside

And i typed this post... something i had not done for a long time

And man, it feels good.

*i will be ok*